In Her Fighting Era

I’m late on posting this because it’s been a busy last week but I wanted to provide an update on my treatment to those wondering, as well as get some thoughts out in this sort-of-journal space. Last week, I had my first targeted therapy treatment WITHOUT chemo YAY!!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!! (It feels so good to say that, and also still feels strange). It was a quicker infusion appointment, which will now be the case going forward, with each appointment only lasting about 1 hour.

I can happily share that the post-treatment unpleasant symptoms were more minimal, too. Nausea is now almost completely gone, except for on occasion, which I’m so thankful for! Unfortunately I’m still dealing with a lot of stomach issues and leg muscle aches which are both side effects of the immunotherapy. I’m still dealing with fatigue and brain fog as well. I’ve been told it can take up to 6 months to start feeling like I’m back to normal, but I am giving myself grace and understanding that my body has been through a lot these past 6 months. So I’m trying to remember that.

I do notice I’m regaining more physical energy, which has been so exciting, and I’m eager to help my body and mind transition to a place where I can once again find joy in getting outside more without it feeling like such a dreaded chore (I tried to enjoy nice walks during chemo treatments, but I tired so easily and it’s not fun to walk in the rain and cold). Walking is one of my favorite activities to do on my own and with my family, and I am so happy I’m starting to feel better so I can do it more. And this warmer weather sure helps!!

Since chemo is over, I will also start seeing some of my hair grow back!!! So far I have very light peach fuzz, so there’s a chance I’ll definitely be channeling Marilyn Monroe proudly 😍 Oh. And I’m proud to say I still have (some) eyelashes.

I’m also getting ready to prepare to return to work soon. I’m so thankful for the support my job provided during this time. To have a job that not only supports you during tough times like this, but to have a job that actually provides, through its benefits, has been an absolute blessing.

Overall, these are all very good and welcoming milestones and I’m so very thankful I get to experience them and say them out loud or on here. But if I can also be honest with myself and others, I’m struggling with what this transition and this current state feel like, and how my life looks very different now. Remission is such a blessing and beautiful word, and I absolutely know I’m one of the lucky ones who got to ring that cancer bell…Oh what a wonderful feeling! And I’m so thankful to have a wonderful treatment team and excellent healthcare so I can continue this immunotherapy treatment and will be closely monitored to watch for any signs of the cancer returning. But this new normal for me does not feel normal yet, and I wonder when it will.

I am nervous about returning back to work and jumping back into a busy environment, especially as I am still recovering, but I am working with HR on accommodations and have faith they will continue to support me just as they have been so that reminder helps.

I also am learning to navigate how to cope with my mental health in this new, uncertain time. I like to know what to expect in any given situation and while chemo definitely forced me to adjust, I now have a different environment and situation to learn coping skills for. I continue to find strength in God, my family, my church, my medical team, and my body, which has endured and is capable of so much. I’m also trying to focus on speaking and thinking only positive and encouraging words and thoughts, and not let myself go down destructive paths of fear and anxiety from the unknown or change. It’s a constant work in progress, so any positive words, affirmations, songs, poems, books, etc. are very much welcome and appreciated. Overall, I feel so much relief and gratitude that I GET to say these things and feel these things because I’m in REMISSION, and even if I’m still figuring out what that means for me as I continue ongoing treatment and monitoring, I get to also figure out how to live my life again, cancer-free. So that is my plan, and I appreciate everyone who continues to be on this journey with me. Thank you for your continued prayers, love, support and encouragement. They means everything.
Love, Mandy

“I love you Lord, your Mercy never fails me. And all my days, I’ve been held in your arms. From the moment that I wake up, until I lay my head, oh I will sing, of the Goodness of God. With every breath that I am able, I will sing, of the Goodness of God”